A Fable: The US of A's The Moon is Made of Green Cheese One-China Policy
Sunday May 27, by Jerome F. Keating Ph.D.
The best and quickest way to assess the ignorance and/or laziness of the average bureaucrat, politician, and/or journalist is to simply ask them to expostulate on the United States' "One China" policy; that same policy inevitably and ironically comes up when the sovereignty of Taiwan is mentioned. Why ironic? Taiwan is a country that cares for and has fought long and hard for its democracy; it has certainly fought much longer and harder than the nation of Iraq. Yet those same US bureaucrats that are more than willing to throw good money after bad to redeem a resistant Iraq prefer that Taiwan cower from declaring its democracy. Taiwan should not bother the rest of the world as that world tries to make money in the overheating China market with its tainted products. Instead Taiwan should play the role of beggar in the streets accepting whatever meager handouts it is given.
Such persistent bureaucratic and media palaver on the US's One China policy is almost as bad as that on the importance of maintaining the "One-sided Stagnant Quo in the Taiwan Strait." While conveniently ignoring China's continued stockpiling of missiles aimed at Taiwan and its threats to even nuke Los Angeles, the US State Department focuses on berating Taiwan as the villain in upsetting the stagnant quo because it keeps wanting to say it is a free democracy. But I digress; let me return to the mystifying and unusual circumstances on how the US State Department's One China Policy resembles a similar policy of a fictitious country that eventually came to believe that the moon is made of green cheese and so developed its own Moon is Made of Green Cheese One-China policy.
Every school child knows that the moon is not made of green cheese, and this is why it is all the more intriguing as to how a country could develop a policy on it.
First one has to recognize that ignorance is bliss for some politicians and that for many governmental bureaucrats, a convenient ignorance is not only bliss but it has become a way of life. Media moguls interested in simplistic explanations of the world follow suit. They direct the minions under them to do the same; it is easier to make profit when one does not worry about accuracy of details in the news.
Here then is the story of that unusual policy development.
Once upon a time there was a country, the US of Aiding and Abetting Selected Friends and Profitable Dictators. The country had such a long name that it was abbreviated to US of A. In the course of time the US of A had dealings with two competing dictatorial governments that claimed to rule the same unusual territory called Green Cheese China.
These competing governments, grasping as they were, had ancient writings that claimed they were in the center of the universe. As a result they felt they were also entitled to control a nearby moon. To justify this, each one proclaimed that that moon was made of green cheese. Thus they as the legitimate rulers of Green Cheese China were also entitled to claim the moon.
There was a slight hitch; one said the moon was made of green cheese with a bluish tint, while the other said it was made of green cheese with a reddish tint. The US of A for various reasons favored the smaller government stating the bluish tint.
Time went on and the US of A felt it could no longer pretend to ignore the other claimant of Green Cheese China especially since it occupied it. Besides the US of A's leader, Nix-on-you, I-am-not-a-crook (Nix-on for short) and his advisor H. Kiss-off-your-friends-if-it-is-to-your-advantage (abbreviated H. Kiss-off) felt they could make names for themselves and gain advantages by recognizing the second claimant to Green Cheese China. So they negotiated.
One problem arose. Each claimant to Green Cheese China insisted that the US of A recognize one Green Cheese China and that the moon was also made of green cheese with of course the proper tint.
The US of A was in a quandary; first of all how could it state that the moon was made of green cheese (since children know it is not), and secondly how could it deal with the two rival governments. Finally, they came up with a solution. "We will make a circuitous policy and put it in a communiqué." This became known as the Shanghaied Communiqué, and the policy became known as the Moon is Made of Green Cheese One-China Policy.
The US of A's State Department had been extremely upset when it found out what H. Kiss-off had been doing. It wasn't the first time H. Kiss-off plotted on his own to make a name for himself. They insisted that the wording of this policy had to be very carefully chosen. H. Kiss-off didn't care as long as he got credit for it in the newspapers.
The State Department used its best minds. It worded the document with select vocabulary so that it stated that the "The US of A (only) acknowledges that all Chinese on either side of the Strait maintain there is but one Green Cheese China and that the moon is made of green cheese. The US of A Government does not challenge that position."
Of course the US of A did not have to commit that it believed the moon is made of green cheese; it did not have to state its own position. It did not even have to acknowledge what tint of green cheese (blue or red)the one Green Cheese China was. It simply had to say to each of the dictators, "We acknowledge that you believe that there is one Green Cheese China and that the moon is also made of green cheese." For the time being everyone seemed happy.
Unfortunately, over time the succeeding members of the State Department didn't communicate well with the previous members and as a result, the bureaucrats and even media people only remembered that the US of Aid had a "Moon is Made of Green Cheese, One-China Policy." They forgot the wording of that policy or why it was chosen and even didn't realize how in a changing world certain viewpoints and scientific explanations quickly become dated. That was too much work. It was much easier to answer everything with the pat phrase, we have a "The Moon is Made of Green Cheese One-China Policy."
This continued. All sorts of governments and agencies around the world followed suit. They picked up on the pat phrase and began to state that they did not want to be left out. They said that if the US of A believed that the moon was made of green cheese, then they too had a " The Moon is Made of Green Cheese One-China Policy." As a result, many said that they believed that the moon is made of green cheese. The people living on the supposed moon suffered and their island got the name Tied-On-Down (somehow abbreviated as Taiwan).
More complications followed. Even the semi-prestigious organization We-Hold-Health-Hostage to the Outrageous (again strangely abbreviated as WHO) refused to let the people of Tied-On-Down in to any of their meetings. After all, they stated, as far as we are concerned, "You live on the moon and we have a 'The Moon is Made of Green Cheese One-China Policy.'"
For the people of Tied-On-Down this was the utmost hypocrisy. No one had ever asked them what they thought or wanted. They were being treated as if they did metaphorically live on the moon. They had struggled to be free and democratic. Being smart and scientific in their own right, they also knew that any Moon is Made of Green Cheese One-China Policy was absurd. How could so many (granted not all) be so stupid as to believe that the moon is made of green cheese?
And that is the story of how the US of A and many other countries came to believe that the moon is made of green cheese.
Surprisingly to this day, many still do.